this is our last dance

tomorrow is the last day of the semester

!

holy hotdog batman

it is going to be so incredibly nice to not have anymore homework to do

and not have to share a shower with five other girls

and have my own bathroom and bedroom

and have a queen size bed

and have a job

here is what i am going to miss

friends

parties

a life

but it is certainly gonna be a great summer

i can not wait to be free from responsibilities for a while

its gonna be great

ahhhhh im so ready

yay!

and

i am gonna be

21

in a month and eleven days

i am gonna be sooooo old!

ok not really but i am gonna be older

its freakin me out

new favorite movie?

"it's kind of a funny story"

here is a clip

 

watch this movie

it is sooooooooo excellent

ahhhhhh: a breath of fresh air

one week

i can scarcely imagine that there is but one week left of my first semester of college

while i might still be insanely stressed about finals

my mother has let me know that as long as i am willing to put in the effort

i really can do it

i knew that all along

but it is so nice to hear it from someone else

its nice to have people in your life who believe in you

this life is not meant to be lived alone

we are supposed to keep the people who love us close to us and appreciate them

the spirit here at school is so amazing

i know that the only reason i have been able to pass my classes up to this point

is because i have a Heavenly Father who loves me

and watches over me

and gives me grace

so that even if after all i can do isnt enough

He steps in and fills in the rest

that knowledge gives me

peace

strength

hope

optimism

confidence

faith

conviction

&

trust

that i know that i can make it through

no matter what

 

 

bonkers and batty

i might

just be

going

insane

the semester is so close to being over i can taste it

all this talk of people going home is driving me mad

i will be here for the next five months nonstop

i just need a break from rexburg for like a week

just a week

and hopefully i will be good

i feel as though i am in a steel bubble that cannot be popped

everyone said rexburg is a bubble and did i believe them?

course not

not that its a bad bubble

its just getting a little small right now

i cant concentrate

i cant think straight

im sick of trying to write this paper

im scared of finals

im scared of what my grades are gonna be

i just need an escape

if it werent a week from the end of the semester i would probably just...

...i dunno

but i havent really felt happy for a while

for that matter i havent really been feeling much at all

numb

i just need one big sob fest to let it all out and i think ill be good

well on to this paper which i should be really passionate about in order to make it good

we will see how it goes

can yall just pray for me to make it through this week?

that would help a lot

thanks

ennui

apathetic

unmotivated

tired

drained

school has gosh darn worn me out!

its driving me nuts cause lately i have had zero energy

not cool

i need a job

i need to study for finals

i need to write my research paper

i need something to push me and to get me off of my lazy bum

quick

at least the semester is almost over

and i have met some pretty great people recently

who will make the seven weeks that i will be stuck here for much more bearable

******

i think it is quite peculiar that when we are little all we want to be is a growned-up

but once we get all the responsibility that comes with it we realize how incredibly great we had it then

our biggest stressors were making sure we were inside by dark 

and getting to see our favorite saturday morning cartoons

sometimes i wish that we were like benjamin button

getting younger all the time

nevertheless

there is a beauty that comes with being able to take care of yourself and making things happen in your own life 

and not depending on anyone but yourself

of course we all need help in this life

but that beauty comes from knowing when you need that help

and

when you need to just buckle down and figure it out for yourself

life is

complicated and messy

beautiful and hideous

difficult and simple

fragile and robust

amazing

baby i was born this way

here i go again

procrastinating the paper that is inevitably due tomorrow

but this needs to be said

so after my last post

i was sitting there thinking

i have so much to be thankful for

it is so easy to be discouraged because so much bad happens in this world

  but when i really think about it

i dont have anything to complain about

i have incredible friends

a family that loves me

a good education

i get to live in a free country

i have a heavenly father who is always watching after me

i have a full stomach

i have air conditioning

i have water to drink

legs to walk

20/20 vision

not a single cavity

clothes to wear

a roof over my head

the book of mormon to read

the list could go on and on forever

so why on earth would i ask for more?

abrupt

mortality

its an interesting thing

it means that all things in this life come to an end

that's exactly how everything feels right now

the semester is ending

my grandpa had a very close call to the end of his life

being unemployed is ending

i feel like everything good in my life ends

whereas

everything crappy goes on

forever

i can't really complain

this is what i signed up for when i came to this earth

i knew what i was getting into

but it still sucks

alot 

i'm sure i will get over it eventually

but for now

i could be better

dont worry

i will always smile

it helps me feel better