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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

this is our last dance

tomorrow is the last day of the semester
!
holy hotdog batman
it is going to be so incredibly nice to not have anymore homework to do
and not have to share a shower with five other girls
and have my own bathroom and bedroom
and have a queen size bed
and have a job

here is what i am going to miss
friends
parties
a life



but it is certainly gonna be a great summer
i can not wait to be free from responsibilities for a while
its gonna be great
ahhhhh im so ready
yay!

and
i am gonna be
21
in a month and eleven days
i am gonna be sooooo old!
ok not really but i am gonna be older
its freakin me out

new favorite movie?
"it's kind of a funny story"
here is a clip
 
watch this movie
it is sooooooooo excellent

Sunday, July 17, 2011

ahhhhhh: a breath of fresh air

one week
i can scarcely imagine that there is but one week left of my first semester of college
while i might still be insanely stressed about finals
my mother has let me know that as long as i am willing to put in the effort
i really can do it
i knew that all along
but it is so nice to hear it from someone else
its nice to have people in your life who believe in you

this life is not meant to be lived alone
we are supposed to keep the people who love us close to us and appreciate them


the spirit here at school is so amazing
i know that the only reason i have been able to pass my classes up to this point
is because i have a Heavenly Father who loves me
and watches over me
and gives me grace
so that even if after all i can do isnt enough
He steps in and fills in the rest
that knowledge gives me
peace
strength
hope
optimism
confidence
faith
conviction
&
trust
that i know that i can make it through
no matter what
 
 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

bonkers and batty

i might
just be
going
insane
the semester is so close to being over i can taste it
all this talk of people going home is driving me mad
i will be here for the next five months nonstop
i just need a break from rexburg for like a week
just a week
and hopefully i will be good
i feel as though i am in a steel bubble that cannot be popped
everyone said rexburg is a bubble and did i believe them?
course not
not that its a bad bubble
its just getting a little small right now
i cant concentrate
i cant think straight
im sick of trying to write this paper
im scared of finals
im scared of what my grades are gonna be
i just need an escape
if it werent a week from the end of the semester i would probably just...
...i dunno

but i havent really felt happy for a while
for that matter i havent really been feeling much at all
numb
i just need one big sob fest to let it all out and i think ill be good
well on to this paper which i should be really passionate about in order to make it good
we will see how it goes
can yall just pray for me to make it through this week?
that would help a lot
thanks

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

ennui

apathetic
unmotivated
tired
drained

school has gosh darn worn me out!

its driving me nuts cause lately i have had zero energy
not cool
i need a job
i need to study for finals
i need to write my research paper
i need something to push me and to get me off of my lazy bum
quick
at least the semester is almost over
and i have met some pretty great people recently
who will make the seven weeks that i will be stuck here for much more bearable
******
i think it is quite peculiar that when we are little all we want to be is a growned-up
but once we get all the responsibility that comes with it we realize how incredibly great we had it then
our biggest stressors were making sure we were inside by dark 
and getting to see our favorite saturday morning cartoons

sometimes i wish that we were like benjamin button
getting younger all the time
nevertheless
there is a beauty that comes with being able to take care of yourself and making things happen in your own life 
and not depending on anyone but yourself
of course we all need help in this life
but that beauty comes from knowing when you need that help
and
when you need to just buckle down and figure it out for yourself

life is
complicated and messy
beautiful and hideous
difficult and simple
fragile and robust
amazing

Thursday, July 7, 2011

baby i was born this way

here i go again
procrastinating the paper that is inevitably due tomorrow
but this needs to be said

so after my last post
i was sitting there thinking
i have so much to be thankful for

it is so easy to be discouraged because so much bad happens in this world
  but when i really think about it
i dont have anything to complain about


i have incredible friends
a family that loves me
a good education
i get to live in a free country
i have a heavenly father who is always watching after me
i have a full stomach
i have air conditioning
i have water to drink
legs to walk
20/20 vision
not a single cavity
clothes to wear
a roof over my head
the book of mormon to read

the list could go on and on forever
so why on earth would i ask for more?

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

abrupt

mortality
its an interesting thing

it means that all things in this life come to an end
that's exactly how everything feels right now

the semester is ending
my grandpa had a very close call to the end of his life
being unemployed is ending

i feel like everything good in my life ends
whereas
everything crappy goes on
forever
i can't really complain
this is what i signed up for when i came to this earth
i knew what i was getting into
but it still sucks
alot 


i'm sure i will get over it eventually
but for now
i could be better

dont worry
i will always smile
it helps me feel better