my life is not for me.

As I gave blood today I was sitting there wondering why I was doing such a thing. Why was I allowing this perfect stranger named Tracy (who was still in training and shaking like he had parkinsons because he was so nervous) to stick a needle in my arm and drain my life source?? Was it because I wanted some pizza for being such a good sport, or because I truly just wanted the satisfaction of helping out, one bag of ichor at a time?

They say that good intentions are the fastest road to Hell or something cliche` like that. But I think that it is quite the opposite. Without good intentions, this life would be Hell. No one would do anything good for anyone. We would all lose our sense of humanity. If I gave blood today so that I could get a free slice of pizza, what would that say about me? If I just wanted the recognition of being a good person from others, what would that say about me? It would say that the only recognition I deserve is a temporal one. Why waste all the happiness on this life when there is still an eternity ahead of me?

I must say, I do not volunteer enough. I do not give enough of myself for other people. It's something that I need to work on a lot because I do not feel that I am on this Earth simply for me, but to help influence others and to help them out and make their life better. I am going to try so so so so much harder to be more selfless and be there for other people no matter what the cost. I want my reward to be so much more than a fleeting smile.

Hold me to it.